I have always considered myself a fairly busy person. But I think everyone does. There is never enough time to do what there is to be done. But over these last few weeks of early 5am rising and midnights guiding me home, I have realized how important the time outside of the punch card really is.
Sometimes you have to force yourself to grow.
After a long day of work, it is painfully alluring to crash on the couch and let electronics numb your brain. It is quite tempting for me to label this as “unwinding” or “taking a break”, but if I was being honest, this very very rarely leaves me feeling rested or refreshed at all. The very things that I am sure I am far too exhausted to do are actually the things that make me feel ready to conquer another day.
Last night, after a long shift of not having time to eat for 10 hours, all I wanted to do was order chinese food and curl up in the fetal position- but I knew I needed to stick to my guns about actively pursueing a community in my church and a spiritual relationship with my husband. I decided to go to a community class that was being held that night. And then it started raining. Woahh hohhh hohhhh! Neeeeeeeeeeevermind- maybe we could just go next week? But Clint shoved me out the door. We drove to this coffee shop that is owned by the church where the class was being held on “teshuva”, which is Hebrew for “cleansing of the soul” or “repentance”. The course was being taught by a highly intelligent PhD of theology who’s mere bible reading voice sounded divinely inspired. We dove deep into the atonement of sin; a raw and genuine approach to how ugly we are inside, but the magnitude of how gracious God is. As we finished with a series of eulogies, I could feel the weight of the day melt off of me. I felt inspired to greatness- not laziness. I came home late, more energized than when I had come home hours earlier. It is in growing myself that I find the real vitality I possess. In the same way, though short and sweet, I decided to write about it instead of scan social media. And see? Even though I thought I was too tired to write, now that I started, I feel great with the keys slowly expanding my experiences.
I hope you find the power within yourself to do the thing you are too tired to do- to find the person who has the energy to do anything.