perfection.

I’ve been wanting to blog. I really have. And then I thought about it and wouldn’t. Why?

Because I wanted it to be perfect. And it wasn’t. Not even a little bit.

Last night, I was driving some of my friends to dinner and kept apologizing for how messy my car was. “I’ve been living out of my car traveling for months! Just pretend you can’t see the hiking boots. Or the 5 Diet Coke bottles.” While I have been literally living out of my car up to this last week, Hannah called me out. “Kendall, it’s okay. You’ve been living out of your car since high school.” It’s true. I’m kind of a mess. But Hannah still loves me.

But my desire for perfection can steal a whole lot of my joy in life. I spent the entire day yesterday deep scrubbing my house for a party we’re having tonight. Looking at the kitchen from all angles- as if a microwave splatter might expose to someone how unperfect I am. And trust me. I am quite unperfect. But I sure spend a lot of time trying to pretend I’m a lot more perfect than I am.

Then this morning, I’m reading this blog.

She describes her life like this:

“It’s an artsy story, because we’re creative people.

It’s a messy one, because we’re sinners in need of a Savior.

And it’s a full one, because we’re dreamers with a lot of dreams.

But it’s our story.”

And I about sprinted to my computer. This woman’s words made me feel brave. Brave enough to blog out my thoughts that swim together like a tangled bowl of spaghetti- not at all perfect or polished. And my life is a messy one. But it’s my story. And I love writing it out. And it doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be my story.

Just like my car doesn’t have to be perfect for me to have a wonderful night with friends.

Just like my house doesn’t have to be perfect for me to have the people I love gathered around my table for food and conversation that makes my heart so full.

Just like my Christian walk doesn’t have to be perfect for me talk to God.

Just like my art doesn’t have to be perfect for it be good for my soul.

Just like my whole life doesn’t have to be perfect for someone to love me.

So here is my unperfect post. But at least now it’s here. And I hope it helps you be a little less of what you think you should be, and a little more of what you are today.

XO, K.

 

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7 thoughts on “perfection.

  1. I LOVE that you were brave and started a blog. And girl. Let me tell you!!!! You are already light years ahead of the “blogging game” if you know that you are writing your story. Not someone else’s or the perfect one in your head, but yours. No one can take that away…

  2. It is such a joy to read your thoughts, challenges and experiences. Thank you for being willing to put it all out there. And, BTW, you ARE the perfect Kendall! Why would you want to work so hard to be something other than Kendall?

  3. You still haven’t convinced me your not perfect!!

    By the way, I completely love your blog. If you wrote a book, I don’t think I could put it down! Your a fantastic writer!

    • I can’t tell you how much this comment meant to me, or how inspiring your words are. If I ever write a book (and some fool allows it to be published) than you’ll get the first copy.

  4. Ummmm…how did I miss this post?
    The inner control freak and perfectionist in me needed this bad. If I followed other people’s blogs, yours would still be my favorite. Love your words kenny boo

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