I’ve been wanting to blog. I really have. And then I thought about it and wouldn’t. Why?
Because I wanted it to be perfect. And it wasn’t. Not even a little bit.
Last night, I was driving some of my friends to dinner and kept apologizing for how messy my car was. “I’ve been living out of my car traveling for months! Just pretend you can’t see the hiking boots. Or the 5 Diet Coke bottles.” While I have been literally living out of my car up to this last week, Hannah called me out. “Kendall, it’s okay. You’ve been living out of your car since high school.” It’s true. I’m kind of a mess. But Hannah still loves me.
But my desire for perfection can steal a whole lot of my joy in life. I spent the entire day yesterday deep scrubbing my house for a party we’re having tonight. Looking at the kitchen from all angles- as if a microwave splatter might expose to someone how unperfect I am. And trust me. I am quite unperfect. But I sure spend a lot of time trying to pretend I’m a lot more perfect than I am.
Then this morning, I’m reading this blog.
She describes her life like this:
“It’s an artsy story, because we’re creative people.
It’s a messy one, because we’re sinners in need of a Savior.
And it’s a full one, because we’re dreamers with a lot of dreams.
But it’s our story.”
And I about sprinted to my computer. This woman’s words made me feel brave. Brave enough to blog out my thoughts that swim together like a tangled bowl of spaghetti- not at all perfect or polished. And my life is a messy one. But it’s my story. And I love writing it out. And it doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be my story.
Just like my car doesn’t have to be perfect for me to have a wonderful night with friends.
Just like my house doesn’t have to be perfect for me to have the people I love gathered around my table for food and conversation that makes my heart so full.
Just like my Christian walk doesn’t have to be perfect for me talk to God.
Just like my art doesn’t have to be perfect for it be good for my soul.
Just like my whole life doesn’t have to be perfect for someone to love me.
So here is my unperfect post. But at least now it’s here. And I hope it helps you be a little less of what you think you should be, and a little more of what you are today.